A Gospel-Shaped Marriage: Imitating Christ in the Home
by: Mike Fourman
Ephesians 5:21–25 (ESV)
“Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
God’s Plan for Marriage
In Christian marriage — the kind that models Christ in our home:
- Husbands must lovingly lead their wives sacrificially.
- Wives must lovingly follow their husbands sacrificially.
Many, including Christians, get nervous with the idea of “submission.” But Ephesians 5:21 shows us that submission is a requirement of the Spirit-filled Christian life and the necessity of Christ-honoring marriage. Husbands and wives must submit continually to God if their marriage is going to walk in love. Submission to God will require each to lay down their selfish desires and choose to love and sacrifice for the other.
The purpose of marriage, according to Ephesians 5:1, is to imitate God and walk in love — “as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.” Christ’s love was sacrificial, and the love we model in our homes must be sacrificial.
Husbands, lead like Jesus, by laying aside their selfish desires and prioritizing their wife’s good. In so doing, they model Christ-like sacrifice.
Wives, follow like Jesus, by laying aside their selfish desires to prioritize God’s plan and their husband’s good. By doing this, they also model Christ-like sacrifice.
Christ gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering to God. When we follow Jesus’s sacrificial example in our marriage, God is likewise pleased and glorified through our marriage. That should be our primary motivation — that God be glorified in our obedience.
“Be filled with the Spirit” (Eph. 5:18).
And when we follow God’s plan, our marriage prospers. God’s plan works.
It is not oppressive. It is not degrading. It is not chauvinistic — it is creationistic. It is freeing because a wise and loving God designed us for this.
Do you believe that God is wise and loving? Then wouldn’t His plan for marriage be wise and loving?
The Power to Follow God’s Plan
The power to follow God’s plan for marriage must be God’s power.
“Be filled with the Spirit” (Eph. 5:18).
Don’t just do it — do it in the power of the Spirit.
You are sinful and selfish, and what God asks of you in marriage requires love and sacrifice. But, Christian, you have been given the full measure of the One who is loving and sacrificial, Christ, to work Himself out through you.
His grace is sufficient. The God who saved you from eternal wrath is able to change you and strengthen your marriage.
Will you pray, “God, I surrender to Your will. I lean on Your help.”
The Posture of Marriage
Husbands: Loving, Sacrificial Leadership
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Eph. 5:25
The husband is called to lead. But his leadership must be modeled after Christ — selfless, sacrificial love.
Your leadership must:
- Build up your wife.
- Honor your wife.
- Nourish and cherish your wife.
It can never be degrading, selfish, or devaluing.
Christ’s leadership matures, beautifies, nourishes, and unites. Men, you are to value your wife above every other human relationship. God’s marriage math is two become one.
Sacrificial leadership looks like spiritual leadership, tender and encouraging leadership, and leadership that shows your wife she is deeply valued.
Christ demonstrated this to you in salvation. He will help you show it to your wife.
Wives: Loving, Sacrificial Followship
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Eph. 5:22
This does not mean women are lesser in value. It does not mean silent. It does not mean disobeying God in submission to your husband. It does not mean submitting to every man.
It means lovingly following your husband as part of God’s design.
In your followship, you have the opportunity to show your family what a follower of Jesus looks like. Every child in a Christian home should be able to say, “I learned how to follow Jesus by watching my mom follow Jesus and my dad.”
Wives model Christ by lovingly and sacrificially following their husbands. And in a Christian home, they are valued and honored — and Christ is honored.
Marriage between two sinners is a daunting task. But the Gospel makes the task possible.
Marriage between two sinners is a daunting task. But the Gospel makes the task possible. Through submission to God, obedience to His Word, and the empowerment of the Spirit, your marriage can be all God designed it to be. Your marriage can be a vivid picture of the Gospel. A testimony of the saving grace of God that makes all things new, fruitful, and faithful!
Will you surrender to God’s Way? Will you trust His Word? Will you live out your marriage by the power of His Spirit?
*article derived from the sermon “Christ Known in My Home through My Marriage” (Ephesians 5:18-33) by Mike Fourman, May 12, 2024